Dilligaf

I recently got called out on the Book of Faces to promote breast cancer awareness, so I had to post the following to my profile:

I know nobody will read my status but sometimes, when I'm bored, I get wrapped up in my tutu and put a giant horn on my head and lather sparkles all over myself and slide around the kitchen floor pretending I'm a magical unicorn

Now some people may be concerned that posting this on their Book of Faces wall may make them look at little weird, some may be concerned that people would think they are having acid flashbacks or some people (my friends) presumed it was probably true – well it wasn’t, at least not that night.

So why would a semi-sane normal person post something like this knowing that some would think it odd and some might be concerned for their children’s safety – well because Dilligaf

Dilligaf loosely translated from its ancient Greek origins means, as simply as I can put it, Do I look like I give a fuck. Quite frankly, in the majority of cases, and particularly when it relates to what people think of me – I don’t :) There are things that I do give a fuck about obviously, such as my kids, my family, my ex, my friends, my work and the mighty All Blacks but there are many things just not worth giving a fuck about. 

The ancient Greeks knew how important the Dilligaf lifestyle was, especially as it ensured that they didn’t cut the heads off every dipshit that double dipped their pita bread in the hummus. Unfortunately the modern Greeks also took the Dilligaf lifestyle to the repayment of foreign debts which has caused a few issues lately ---actually enough issues to prove that the adoption of Dilligaf by an entire society, or at least the danger of using Dilligaf as an influence on Legislative decisions in an evolving competitive world market is, well, let's just say there is a reason why I have no business in public office making financial decisions for an entire country :)

The fact that I tythe at the Dilligaf Church of Modern Notgiveafuckery has been both a blessing and probably a curse, but then again - Dilligaf. Sure maybe I could be slimmer, have a better haircut and not dress like a clean temporarily abode displaced person but guess what – Dilligaf. The fact that the below is my online dating profile and probably the reason that no one is reaching out to me, well, I would like to give a …… Dilligaf.

I am world famous in a small village in the Belgian Congo for saving their local water supply using just 1 dollar a day. I have been recognized as the leading form of laughter by a small group of children who had never seen balloon animals before and there is a small statue in my honor in the opium fields of Columbia for saving that years crops using only a 2B pencil and a spork. My sketch artistry has been lauded by Murray (from FOTC) as being utter garbage and although neither of my middle names (I have 2) begin with an F I have often been referred to as (first name) F*****g (last name) by friends and enemies alike. I once had drinks with a cardboard cut out of the most interesting man in the world and then resoundingly defeated him at beer pong. My tribal name is Kepdapointyenddown which literally translates to 'Man who runs with scissors'. People call me 'Nobody' because Nobody is Perfect. I once appeared on a Soap in my underwear and was compared favorably to the least popular Baldwin brother (the one who no one can remember). I am one of the pros from Dover and have never referred to myself in the third person :)

Seriously – that is my profile – and yes I am on a dating site and do you think I give a fuck if you think that is weird/sad/whatever – no – because, well…… Dilligaf :)

Yes there are things in life that we need to give a fuck about such as racism, sexism, homophobia, general dipshittery and douchebaggery (I tried to keep that as narrow a selection as possible) but there are many things that we get upset about that we shouldn’t, in my humble, uneducated and completely unjustifiable, except in my mind, opinion.

Sometimes it is just not fucking worth it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very passionate about the things that are worth being passionate about to me, but being up tight and out of sight is something you don’t want to wish for from a genie.

So work hard, play hard and earn your inspiration.

Happy Poets Day