Buck-naked and broke on your doorstep

There are a few people on this planet, well at least a couple, that are true friends. These are the people that, if I turned up buck-naked and broke on their doorstep they would take me in. To me that is a measure of true friendship, those that would take you in when you are at your worst, without question, and help you get back on your feet. There are a few people on this planet that I would do that for obviously. There are also a few people that I would love to see buck-naked on my doorstep, but that is, because, you know – science J

They say you can judge a person by the company they keep, sure, that might be true but that means that everyone who hangs out with me has been condemned. I think you can judge the value of a person by the strength of their friendships. There are many levels to friendship – let’s look at a few.

Nod your head friends: 

People that you see on a regular basis but have no idea who they are – also know as whassups.

Drinking Buddies: 

Usually disappear when the bar is closed or when you start going to 12 step meetings.

Work buddies: 

These can grow into friendships, probably where most people make new friends now that they have stopped drinking at college.

Mates: 

Well these are your mates, usually a combination of drinking buddies, college buddies and work buddies all combined. Mates are traditionally fucking useless in the clinch but usually a lot of fun to be around.

Neighborhood friends: 

This lot generally needs to be nice to you because they see you taking out the trash once a week and walking around naked in the house (you know who you are – stop taking photos).

Family:

This group don’t have a lot of choice, they may not have to like you but they are meant to take you in when buck naked and broke so they don’t really qualify as friends – they are obligated by blood to at least give a bit of a shit about you.

Friends from an online dating site: 

Sometimes referred to as fuck buddies or someone else’s spouse J Sure in this modern age online dating is seen as being more acceptable, but really it is just an excuse for me to send dick pics to lots of women – sorry – I meant just an excuse for men to send dick pics, sorry for the confusion.

Facebook friends: 

These are the people that are meant to read your blog and make comments on how awesome or crap it is but don’t – pricks J.

The buck-naked and broke friends: 

These may be childhood friends whose bonds have increased over time or these may be more recent friends who for some unknown reason appreciate who you are. Some of my buck-naked and broke friends are back in NZ, one in Canada (he will deny it – well not the living in Canada bit) and a few around the US. It would be an interesting trip getting to some of them however a very quick trip through security I guess – not much to declare (apart from the fact that it is cold).

Sometimes we need to take stock of our friends, ignore some of the friend requests we receive and focus on the people that are important to us. Treating others as you wish to be treated is important. Don’t be surprised if your buck-naked and broke friend list is short if you wouldn’t offer the same to others. Appreciating a cold beer with your neighbor, pinging someone just to say hello and let them know that you were thinking of them, offering to help when help is needed then understanding whether or not that offer is acted upon and being an ear or a shoulder depending on the need, are all things that friends appreciate. If they don’t appreciate and at some point reciprocate then they probably need to rack off.

Quality not quantity is what we need to look for (that is what I have been telling the ladies for years). It is a bit like these weekly assortment of letters and words that make up this awesome blog – it’s quality fucking stuff edited by a real college graduate – it’s damn near broadcast quality. Hopefully this means something to you, hopefully this silly fun thing has a positive effect on you and hopefully y’all will still be my friends.

Now where do you live again exactly? J

So work hard, play hard and earn your inspiration.

Happy Poets Day

And remember kids, when you are joining an online meat market use a safe email address (like I do) not your work one, you fucking dipshits  J