The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley

I had a brilliant (even if I say so) idea of what to write about this week whilst watching Dual Survival on Discovery. One of the dual survivors is a Kiwi with that iconic Kiwi sense of humor and more that just a little of that good old Kiwi practicality. If you get a chance check out the show and you will appreciate the laconic comedy of a Kiwi bushman – or you might be a dick J

Anyway, so this brilliant idea was to write about how well Kiwis were doing in the world right now. There was a Kiwi on Angie Tribeca (TBS) recently, there is a Kiwi on Wrecked (also on TBS), there is a Kiwi in the new kids show Voltron Legendary Defender (now on Netflick), the Kiwi movie Hunt for the Wilderpeople recently got a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes (or is that Tomatos), the incredibly awesome Flight of the Conchords are playing here in Cary NC this Monday, the documentary Tickled directed by a couple of Kiwis is getting rave reviews and one of the leads in the Star Trek movies is a Kiwi also. Not to mention the latest Thor movie is being directed by a Kiwi.

So cool, I thought, Kiwis are doing great. Let’s look at this awesome bunch of people and celebrate them all individually. But then it hit me right in the kisser, like a 2 week old cow pat in a 50 knot northerly. It’s not that Kiwis are doing great, there is one Kiwi doing great and the rest are hanging off his coat strings. It didn’t take much deductive reasoning from me to work out who this one Kiwi was, for one thing I once saw him at a book signing but he wouldn’t sign my copy of  ‘This way to Spaceship’ because it was just a stick figure doodle of him and not some of my best work and secondly because I am the one writing this blog and came up with this conspiracy in the first place.

People talk of the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon but this person is so closely connected to anything coming out of New Zealand I am not sure if he isn’t some kind of reptilian overlord, or at the very least a were-monster. Man, this guy is everywhere and connected directly to everything Kiwi except for Lorde and the All Blacks (and that is pretty much all we have over there apart from a lot of sheep, and he has probably been connected to some of them at some point also). Let’s look at some of the Kevin Bacons that he has. For starters the people who worked with him on Short Poppies: Karl Urban (Star Trek), Sam Neill (Hunt for the Wilderpeople and a couple of other things), David Farrier (Tickled), Jonno Roberts (brilliant actor way too underutilized), Mike the Cop (Cop) and Georgia Hatzis (star of Jack and Jill – someone had to be) and finally Jemaine from FOTC who hasn’t yet gotten back to me about meeting after the show Monday night J I could do this for the next 500 words of filler but my publisher might get upset with me, they don’t want me just jabbering on to fulfill some ink requirements that we have with the people who sell toner.

Anyways, back to the conspiracy at hand. They do say that with modernization, this new fangled interweb thing and international flights the world has gotten quite a bit smaller (although being a flatworlder I am not sure how any of that works) but is it really that small that the only thing coming from NZ is Lorde, The All Blacks, sheep and people that have worked with or who actually are Rhys Darby? If that is true then I am not 100% sure I want to be present.

However, as Robert Burns said (or more technically wrote) ‘The best laid schemes of mice and men go often askew’. Instead of writing an amusing story of how everything Kiwi (apart from sport and music) seem to be directly related to a certain Mr Rhys Darby I end up writing some mildly amusing but disjointed drivel because my mind is not 100% in the game. Instead it is across the pond and south a bit with the people of Nice France.

Bonne chances mes amis

Work hard, play hard, earn your inspiration and don’t waste the gift we have.

Happy Poets Day