We miss you Sherilyn

30 years ago I lost a great friend and I have felt a little guilty about it ever since, not that I should, but I do. This is the often told but never written story of the last time I saw Sherilyn White alive and the words that she said that have haunted me to this day. First we need to give a bit of a backstory.


I used to love to ride my bike, whether it was a collapsible bike that we used camping, my ever faithful Chopper with the 3 speed shifter, banana seat and ape hanger bars, my red Morrison Monarch whose frame I bent in a crash and never realized it till I got a 2nd hand Peugeot road bike then tried to ride the old Monarch again and couldn't, my Cannondale that I got rid of in 1990 after being told either quit training for triathlons or end up in a wheel chair, the Haro mountain bike I bought 15 years later that lasted 10 years or the Specialized I have now after riding the Haro to death. One of my favorite things was to be out on the road (or these days bike paths) headphones on, music blasting and the sun, wind and sweat in my eyes. Being on a bike by myself, occasionally riding with friends, but just being in the saddle was a favorite place to be. I used to love to run also, Totora Park was next to home, we had to run at school for PE, I ran from home into town once just for the hell of it, I ran a 3hr 45 min Marathon at 19, I wasn't fast but I just kept on going.  When I was about 14 I road from Hamilton to Auckland, about 120km just for fun, then when 16 I road from Auckland to Keri Keri to raise funds for a school trip - that was about 240km. So I could bike and run ok, seemed like the logical step was to do some triathlons - I think I did my first sprint race when I was 13 or 14.

Now the problem with a triathlon is that tri part means 3 events and as much as I loved to run and ride I was not the best swimmer out there, I believe it was my wonderful brother who came up with the nickname The Swimming Brick - it seemed quite often that driftwood would beat me around the swim course, but once I got on my bike I tended to catch up with a few people on the course. I never won but I raced and enjoyed and hurt and then went out and did it again.

So there was this girl in our group of friends who was quite the athlete and also quite an amazing person. We became riding buddies and would often hit the road together when we could, we also hung out as she was dating my best friend and was also cousin of another great friend. We did a few of the same races and somehow for some unknown reason decided to do the UltraMan (or as it was known the NZ Triathlon National Long Course Championships). Sherilyn was the real deal, one of the top triathletes in the country, her Dad was in the race as was her sister and her cousin and then there was me :) Now, some of the information following might be a touch off as this was 30 years ago but I assure you it is pretty much spot on - I should know, I was there.

The summer vacation of 1988 was a big one for all of us, we had just finished school and were heading off to University (in NZ school is Feb to Nov with the big summer vacation at the end of the year). I was heading to Otago in Dunedin, others to Waikato and Auckland. Life was going to change for all of us, not sure we knew it was going to change quite so quickly however. Sherilyn and I rode quite a bit over that time, I tried to get some swimming in but wasn't seeing much improvement - maybe less Brick and more Driftwood but still not good in the water, Sherilyn didn't have that problem :) We would all hang out as 17 and 18 year old people did, sneaking booze out to parties (or sometimes not sneaking), getting older brothers to buy Southern Comfort and stash it for us, generally enjoying the freedom of summer and our transition to the next stage of our lives.

The race was in Mairangi Bay on the North Shore side of Auckland. There were quite a few hills on the start and end of the bike and run course (and what seemed like a hill in the swim on the day for me) but that was not an issue. The fact that it was a 2km swim, 90km bike and 21km run was not an issue either, we had the miles under our legs and we were only 17 and 18 - heck Deanne (her sister) was only 15 or 16 I think, we could do this. A nice coincidence for us was that the transition area happened to be bang next-door to a friend of mines parents house so we all dropped off the bikes there the day before the race (we didn't have fancy bike racks back then so had to break them down and reassemble when transporting them - Steve being next-door saved us set up time the day of the race). We felt ready, we knew we could do it. It was on.

I do not recall if there was staggered starts or a free for all but I do know that the swim, as usual, sucked for me. But I finished it and I beat at least 1 piece of driftwood out of the water :) Now it was on to my favorite, the bike. I knew Sherilyn was somewhere in-front of me and I knew I was better on the bike so I set out to see if I could catch up with her - it was tougher to catch her on the Sprint races as the race was so quick, I think I had caught her in some of the 1.5/40/10k races but cannot recall but the 90k bike was just right for me. The bike course was an out and back and I am not sure if I caught her just before the turn around or just after but I rode past her, exchanged a friendly comment and kept on going.

Then the race gods decided to mess with me.

I broke a spoke on my rear wheel and it got a little wobbly, then soon after another broke. My wheel started rubbing against my rear brake pads and was slowing me down so I reached back and released the quick release on the rear brake. Now normally this would not be a problem but as I mentioned before that the bike course was a little hilly at the start and the end, and riding full tilt down a hill with only a front brake working is not a smart idea so I slowed considerably heading into the bike-run transition and you know who caught up with me just as we got to the end of the bike course. We transitioned together and hit the run course - Sherilyn grabbed a drink from the hydration station at the transition, I did not and started the run. Sherilyn was a little peeved at me for this and called out to me.

21k is a decent run on any day, even more fun after a 2k drown then 90k bike but we were 17/18 and we had the legs for this, no worries. I ran away from Sherilyn out of the transition and up the hill. It might have been because I couldn't push the end of the bike ride because of my wheel issues, it might have been because she pushed hard to catch me, it might have been just that I like hills more but for whatever reason the last time I spoke to her was at the transition.

Race over, pretty sure someone had handed me a beer, waiting for my racing buddy to finish when word came down that she had collapsed. I was with her boyfriend and cousin and was told to go to the prize giving, it was no big deal, she was going to hospital but she would be fine. So we went to the prize giving whilst her parents headed off with her. We were hanging outside at the tavern where the ceremony was when the race organizer came up to me, her cousin and sister. He pulled us aside from the crowd and gave us the news that could not be true, that Sherilyn, my racing buddy, my best friends girl, one of my best friends, a freaking star athlete had passed away. Simon and Deanne bolted and I was forced to tell her friends that she was no longer with us. I stayed (as requested) at the prize giving and was up on stage when the race organizer shared the news with the other competitors. There was shock, disbelief, tears, hugs, condolences and I just fucking stood there not knowing what to do because I knew something they didn't know, I knew what her last words to me were.


It has haunted me ever since. I know the words were said in jest and I know words aren't the reason that a wonderful person is not still with us and I sure as fuck know that it is not my fault but damn it every time I think about those words it brings me to tears as if I have some guilt to bear for what happened. So here and now know Sherilyn that I am sorry, so very very sorry. We were kids having fun doing what we loved, with an awesome group of friends looking forward to a great life and you were an amazing young lady and your memory lives in the hearts of so many people and will continue to. I know that when you said to me "James, if you beat me I'll die" it was a joke, a silly throw away comment between friends and maybe one day I will forgive myself fully. It won't be today and it probably won't be tomorrow, it may not be till we go for a ride again one day. But please know this, from the bottom of my heart and with everything that I am, I am sorry.

Love ya kiddo, keep riding, keep smiling and we will keep your memory alive down here where I still suck at swimming :)