God invented the scroll wheel for a reason

Well maybe not God himself as he is way to busy posting pictures of cute puppies peeing on angel's wings on Heavenagram but the inventor is probably someone that he is LinkedIn to.

Quick spoiler alert this post is most likely to have a few sweary words in it.

So this week boys and girls and people with gender identity issues we are going to talk about the whiny fucking idiots who just need to bitch at shit because they seem to have nothing better to do. Most specifically this is in regard to Candice Galek and her promotion of her business on LinkedIn.

I just had a quick look at the latest 15 posts on LI and I saw 6 product ads, 5 puff pieces (pretty much product ads), 3 job postings and a picture of a group of people praying at work – I am actually surprised I didn’t see a math problem where people who can’t do basic fucking math are looking for clicks and reasons to say PEMDAS (hint if there are no parentheses then just work left to right, dipshits). I didn’t read the puff pieces, skimmed past the job postings and scrolled right on by the product posts. I didn’t take offense at the prayer group meeting (how dare they promote religion in the work place – isn’t that hostile to Scientologists?) and moved the fuck along using that wondrous invention the scroll wheel.

You know why? Because that is what normal people do. Normal people don’t take offense at math problems, prayer meetings, stories about management tips for great leaders or pictures of people wearing clothes promoting their business. Just fucking scroll past if it is of no interest to you.

Funny thing is that as I am throwing this collection of words onto a piece of virtual paper I just had a quick look at LI again and a sponsored company link starts with the words “Size isn’t everything”. How fucking dare they make dick jokes, people with small dicks could find that offensive. I should write a comment complaining about the emasculation of the male species or some other complete crap like that but I am not going to as I don’t find that offensive :) - well they were the ones that started with the dick jokes so fucking blame them if you don’t like the innuendo – or just scroll the fuck on.

By the way it is no coincidence that we scroll with the same finger that we use to fly the bird (in a 4G inverted dive)

So let’s get back to Candice and what the big LI stink is all about. Candice owns a company that sells bikinis and in promoting her product put some photos of bikinis on LI. Now as we well know to properly appreciate how an article of clothing looks you really need to have someone wearing it. So guess what, horror of fucking horrors all of a sudden there are pictures of people wearing her product (bikinis) being posted in he same place that other people post images/links of their product.

‘But that is unacceptable on a business networking site' some indignant fucktards howled

‘But wait a sec, it is a business networking site’ some reasonable people replied

‘But fuck what do we do about the complaints’ some people at LI said and then blocked/deleted some of the posts of the product

And now BikiniLuxe is getting a shit ton of attention, Candice is all over LI, Forbes, about to be interviewed by Time and she also posted an old blog of mine about people and Soapboxes (which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside).

But why such a ruckus over someone promoting their business on a business networking site? People can’t just fucking scroll on by, for some reason they need to feel important by expressing their ‘oh so fucking important’ opinion on just about everything. Guess what people, you don’t need to. If you want to express an opinion write a blog, or an intelligent post or give your fucking opinion properly. Don’t just post ‘this should be on the book of faces’.

To paraphrase the great philosopher Mr F Gump  “I am not a smart man Jenny but I know what butthurt is”

Problem is that this phenomenon of whiny fucktardidness is getting worse. Not only that but the harassment of, let’s say, attractive people on so called professional networking sites is getting a bit much, it is almost like walking past a building site on LI sometimes with wolf whistles and worse. A LI person I know who has an attractive picture has had numerous rude comments made on posts she has done (I don’t have the same issue fortunately) because it is easy to be a drooling leg humping dipshit dog from behind a keyboard or up 30ft of scaffolding.

For all I know Candice could be an overweight German who enjoys watching ticking videos (watch Tickled when it is showing near you), a brilliant ploy by some marketing genius to promote conversation on LI without using math problems or she might be the CEO of a business with a product to sell on a business product selling networking site – fuck me, what a crazy idea. I am pretty damn sure it is the last but I was wrong once so you never know :). Either way the debate sparked has been interesting, the fucktards have come out of the closet, and some men (and women) are showing why they shouldn’t be allowed near any form of social media. For me I made a new acquaintance in the cloud who I will likely never meet, whose bikinis I will definitely never wear but who has 100% of my support doing what she is doing right now.

Really, you ask yourself, who gives a flying fuck what you care about James?

Well apparently you do, as you didn’t just scroll on by :)

As always the opinions expressed here are completely mine and not supported by any actual research. Any offence taken here by anyone reading this is most likely completely intentional or not as the case may be, and you need to get the fuck over yourself Randy. Finally if you have any products that you also would like me to endorse feel free to send me copious amounts of cash and expect fuck all in return :)

Work hard, play hard and earn your inspiration.

Happy Poets Day